Silence
by BornAverage
Summary: It'd been two years, five months, and eighteen days since Chad Dylan Cooper has heard Sonny Monroe speak. It'd been fifteen days, twelve hours, eighteen minutes, and three seconds since Chad learned why. Multi-Fic. R&R. AU.
1. Ein

Author's Note: Two of you have commented on the fact that it was too short...you obviously haven't read my author's note, because it explains how it was just a **teaser**. Other than that, it seems that I've gotten a positive response to this idea, so I'm happy. :)

Disclaimer: I don't own Disney's Sonny With a Chance. Characters are simply borrowed to live in an alternate universe.

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><p>Chapter One.<p>

"_So, how many moles did you get when you converted problem 8_?" she wrote, showing the note to the golden-haired boy by her side.

"Uhh," Chad Dylan Cooper responded, looking through his homework sheet, "I got .309 moles of sodium hydroxide."

She just nodded, copying it down onto her paper.

The two sat in her kitchen, working on their AP Chemistry homework on the granite island. A plate of chocolate chip cookies lay in front of him, only two and a half remaining. They continued to scribble down answers and punch in numbers into calculators, when they heard the _crunch_ of a car's tires on the driveway.

Her mother was home.

In no less than five minutes later, Connie Monroe walked through the kitchen doorway, a paper bag of groceries in her arms.

"Hey, guys," she greeted, going straight to the refrigerator to put away the various food items. "What're you two working on?"

"Just some AP Chem homework," Chad answered for the both of them.

Sonny Monroe wasn't too big on words. Well, she hadn't been too big on words for a couple of years already. She returned from winter break during their freshman year in high school and hadn't said a word since. As much as it bothered Chad, he chose not to let her know of his frustration. If Sonny didn't want to talk, he wouldn't force her. He just wished he knew why she refused to let him hear her melodic voice.

He'd harbored a little crush on his brunette best friend during the middle of seventh grade. He just liked the way her hair shined when put into good light, the little crinkle of her nose when she had a great distaste for something, the way she laughed at the silliest things, and...The way she wasn't afraid to do a good deed every damn day, telling at least one person a day about how much they were appreciated.

She was a good person.

Maybe that's why he fell in love with her a year and half later.

You couldn't blame him. Not only was she a good person, but she was also gorgeous in ways he couldn't bring the fanciest words forward to be worthy of describing her. She was a one-of-a-kind beauty. Smart, too.

They met in the fifth grade. She was the new girl from Wisconsin. The one who was the 'snitch'. The one who purposely got pushed into a puddle of mud on this one very rainy day, and got her bright yellow shirt ruined. The one who he helped off the floor, threatening the other kids to make that move again and feel the wrath of Chad Dylan Cooper. The one who he got in trouble for and a citation of misconduct written up for him because he threatened another student. And yet, she was the one who was his best friend for about seven years, right after that incident.

It wasn't a surprise he found himself head over heels over two years later.

"Sounds fun," Connie commented, placing a box of chewy granola into the pantry. "I've always hated Chemistry when I was in high school. As much as I'm happy that the two of you are taking AP courses, I still think the both of you are crazy for taking Chemistry."

He laughed, the corners of his sapphire eyes crinkling in amusement, "Chemistry isn't that bad."

He glanced at the brunette next to him, seeing her following the conversation in silent laughter.

"No, Biology isn't that bad. But, Chemistry—it's hell."

"Right, Connie," Chad said with a quirk of his lips.

"Well, I should leave you two to your hardcore homework…doing."

Without another word, her mother left the room. As soon as they could hear her reach the top of the stairs, Sonny wrote him a note.

"_Can we not do this? I kinda agree with my mom. Chem _is_ hell._"

"And when do you suppose we finish our homework, then, Sonshine?"

She smiled at the name she was given after two weeks of meeting him.

"_Later, of course. After dinner…that is, of course, if you're staying._"

He scanned the note, noticing the subtle hint that she wanted him to stay. He knew her so well; he could read the meaning in her words in black and white.

"I'll stay," he answered, grinning at the sight of her joy. "Then what do you want to do, now that we don't have any homework to work on at the moment?"

"_I don't know. Let's go out. Maybe the park. Or maybe you want to go get some frozen yogurt?_"

"How about both?" he suggested.

She jumped off her barstool, happy that she had such a wonderful best friend who was willing to put up with her spontaneous decisions. She wanted to go out. She didn't want to stay home, in fear of remembering the past. She liked to move around, enjoying the thrill of the moment. Of life. She loved the California sun, and the shadows of palm trees on the sidewalk. She loved the smell of freshly mown grass in her neighborhood, and the smell of the crisp air.

It helped her escape her thoughts of…No. She refused to remember. The memories would consume her, destroying her from the inside out. Nope. No. It never happened. It was just a nightmare. A fear that would taint her already flawed soul. Never again, she promised herself.

Slipping her boots on, Sonny grabbed her notepad on the table by the door, waiting for the teenage blond to emerge from the kitchen. She tapped her foot, the echo of her heel on the cherry wood floor, as she waited for him to slip his sneakers on. As soon as he was ready, she signaled him with her eyes to carry out her message above.

"Hey, Connie?" Chad shouted up the stairwell. "Sonny and I are gonna go out, if that's alright with you."

"That's fine, just come home before dinner," she yelled back, her voice a little muffled through her closed door.

"Alright, Sonshine. Where to?" he asked her with a smile.

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><p>Please, review. :)<p>

Oh, and in case you were wondering, this was 1,020 words.


	2. Zwei

Author's Note: HOLY HELL! 11 reviews for chapter one? I knew there was a reason why I loved this fandom! :D I mean, seriously. Usually when I don't write one-shots I get one, maybe two reviews each chapter. Three, if I'm lucky. But, ELEVEN? You guys are amazing! I love each and everyone one of you. And, I'm sorry for the delay. I had the idea in my mind, but couldn't put the idea into words... Stupid Writer's Block. :(

Also, for the first fourteen years of my life, I lived in LA, so I will be using street names and the park I used to go to.

**Warning:** Teenage male thoughts. (I needed to add some sort of relief to this depressing fic.)

Disclaimer: I only own the plot. Everything else belongs to their respective owners.

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><p>Chapter Two.<p>

The frozen confection felt sweet on his tongue, the loganberries he requested to be one of the many toppings atop his yogurt complimented the tanginess of the plain, solid cream.

After getting their yogurt from the Yogurtland on 3rd and La Brea, they drove the extra mile to enjoy their cold treat at Pan Pacific Park. Their legs swung back and forth against the wooden chips that padded the floor, the creaking of the metal chains on the swing filling in the silence.

"You know, I'm glad we stopped going to Pink Berry," Chad commented, spooning up more frozen yogurt into his mouth. "Yogurtland is far better."

Sonny only hummed in agreement, licking her plastic utensil clean of Guava Pineapple tart. She scraped the bottom of her paper cup, trying to get more of the disappearing deliciousness. Her lips smacked in content, tongue running along her bottom lip and taste buds instantly catching some remaining tartness from her snack.

"Give it here."

The blond-haired, blue-eyed boy by her side held his hand out for her cup. She gingerly placed it in his palm and watched him stand from the swing to walk to the nearest trashcan.

She admired him. He was just so...patient. He didn't appear to mind her silence, and respected her decision to keep her mouth shut. Sonny knew she should have told him her secret, and why exactly she had stopped speaking. But, the thought of him knowing something so dark and sinister about her was frightening. She feared that he'd judge her for being so tainted. Impure. Corrupted. Her heart ached from the mere idea of Chad Dylan Cooper turning his nose up at her in disgust, and running away—far, far away. She couldn't bear to lose his friendship, let alone his respect.

Her notepad lay stiffly in her lap, reminding her of that fateful day. The ends of her mouth turned down into a frown, and her eyebrows knit in distress.

"You okay, Sonny?"

She looked up at him, seeing the worry etched clearly into his face. Nodding her head vigorously, she stood from the swing, notepad in hand. She dusted herself off, walking away from him towards his car. Her dainty hand ran through her hair, and slid down to rub the back of her neck. She needed to forget.

Chad looked after his friend in apprehension. There was nothing he could do to make her happy again, and that thought hurt him deep. He'd never felt so useless in his life. There was a time where she would laugh so loudly at his jokes that people turned to look. A time where she would talk animatedly to him about what happened in one of her classes. He missed those moments terribly.

He shook his head, following after the love of his life.

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><p>He closed the front door behind him, following the brunette to the kitchen.<p>

"You guys are back a bit early," Connie stated, as she dug through the refrigerator for tomatoes. "I thought you two would be back by the time I finished with dinner."

"Yeah, we just ate our yogurt at the park and headed back," Chad replied, standing by the granite island. He kept his eyes on Sonny, watching as she wrote on her notepad.

"_You wanna just finish our Chem homework until dinner's ready?_"

"Yeah, sure," he agreed, trailing behind her. They grabbed their belongings and she led them upstairs to her bedroom. His footsteps on the wood floor muted as soon as he stepped onto the cream carpeting of her room.

Sonny dropped her bag on her bed, removed her boots, and then proceeded to plop down on the mattress. She flipped through her AP textbook until she came across the paper, pencil, and calculator she so carelessly left in. She lay on her stomach, propping herself up on her elbows, pencil gripped in her hand. She scribbled furiously, punching in number after number.

He took his place on her office chair, swiveling it in her direction. He couldn't help but stare at her as he readied his own materials. Chad crossed his right leg over the left, ankle touching his knee to add support for his textbook. Holding his pencil in hand, he faced his paper, but his eyes stayed focused on the girl in front of him.

He started off on her face, admiring the shape of her brows; long eyelashes framing those gorgeous, chocolate eyes; the freckles on the bridge of her nose… The fullness of her lower lip was enticing, reminding him of his many younger fantasies of kissing her. He'd imagined them to be soft and taste of her cherry lip gloss. Then there was her adorable dimpled chin. His gaze traveled down her neck—

She whistled slightly, trying to grab his attention. Chad's head snapped up, ears and neck starting to turn a shade of pink. Sonny cocked an eyebrow at him, curious as to why her best friend had been blushing. She lifted her notepad up to him.

"_What'd you get for number twelve?_"

"Oh, um. Uh, well," he stammered, "I'm still on number ten. Haven't got there yet."

She nodded, and then grinned as she began to write in her notepad once more.

"_Why're you blushing? Who're you thinking about? Do I know her?_"

He couldn't believe the questions she was shooting at him.

"I—I'm—I'm not blushing! Who said I was blushing?" he denied frantically, shaking his head to add more proof. "And who said I was thinking about anyone? Why would you know anyone who doesn't exist?"

Sonny pursed her lips. He knew she didn't believe a word he was saying.

Chad sighed, "A—Alright. I…I can't tell you _who_ I'm thinking about, but you do know her."

It was the truth. The vague truth, but the truth nonetheless. He couldn't tell her he was having thoughts about her, could he? Not only would that be humiliating, but that'd also break her trust with him.

"Just go back to work, Sonny."

She nodded, defeated. He wasn't going to tell anymore, that was for sure.

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><p>Don't hate me! That was the best I could do for male thoughts, since, you know... I'm not a male. But, anyway, I tried my best.<p>

Review please! :)


	3. Drei

_Author's Note: Sorry if this is a shit chapter. It's nearly twelve-forty in the morning, I've got a killer headache, and I've procrastinated enough as it is, that I just want to get it out and not make you guys anymore anxious. Please forgive me for any spelling or grammar mistakes. I'm not even going to bother editing this.  
><em>

Disclaimer: Anything recognizable isn't mine.

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><p>Chapter Three.<p>

_MgI2 + Br2 - MgBr2 + I2_

_Which is the excess reactant when 560 grams of MgI2 and 360 grams of Br2 react, and what mass remains?_

The urge to pee was overwhelming, forming a thin layer of perspiration on the back of her neck and creating an uncomfortable pressure in her bladder. Dr. Geralt was very anal with allowing students permission to skip through the lecture, even if they needed the restroom. Especially the restroom. He thought it was just an excuse to avoid learning, and gave out detentions if anyone ever asked. Which was the reason why Sonny was trying very hard to stop thinking of her aching gut.

Solving the problem on the projector seemed like a perfect distraction. She quickly jotted down the problem on her sheet of paper, and made sure the equation was balanced. She then proceeded to try her best to get the correct answer.

The bell rang for lunch. What a relief.

"Solve the problem for homework, class. I expect it on my desk, complete with work _and_ name, tomorrow. Now, have a good day."

Sonny shoved her belongings in her bag, not even stopping to explain to Chad (she didn't have time to write him out a note), and hurried off to the restroom to relieve herself. She left Chad very confused.

Was she avoiding him? Chad shook his head, because for what reason would Sonny avoid him? None. Absolutely none. She probably needed to use the restroom. He knew how Dr. Geralt was during their lectures.

Without even knowing it, he had someone gotten to the cafeteria and sat at their usual table. It was always the two of them. After Sonny had returned from Winter Break and refused to talk, her usual "friends" left without so much as a goodbye. They disappeared one by one, put off by her silence. She was always the loud one, and her being completely mute confused them. So, they abandoned her, not thinking of her feelings. Every last one of them. Except for Chad. He was there when the desertion of their so-called friends tore Sonny up inside.

He knew there was a reason to her sudden vow of silence. After she came back to school, he was the only one who had noticed the spark in her chocolate eyes had diminished, leaving behind a shell of a once cheerful girl. And, as each and every one of their friends had left, leaving on Chad to comfort her, she cried. Hard. It was heartbreaking; he had no idea what to tell her to comfort her. Eventually Sonny got used to the idea of having only Chad by her side, because she knew that he was a true friend. Her best friend.

So, as her best friend, Chad would just have to continue waiting for her story.

His fist clenched on top of the table. He didn't like having to wait for Sonny to tell him what had gone on at Wisconsin. Just as he was her best friend, she was his. He should have been the first person she told, because then he would be able to understand the situation a bit more. It was like he didn't even know half of her.

A dainty hand wrapped around his white knuckles, the dark polish on the nails stark against the paleness of her skin. Chad looked up into Sonny eyes, reading the quiet message.

"_Are you okay?_"

He hadn't realized that she had arrived, sitting next to him with her notebook laid out in front of her.

Chad nodded, "Yeah. Where were you, by the way?"

Sonny clicked her pen and scribbled a response in her pad, "_Bathroom_."

Of course; just as his rational thoughts had guessed.

"Ah, holding it in since Geralt's?"

Her cheeks flushed, as she nodded. The brunette turned to her notebook again, and scratched in another message.

"_I don't understand how you can talk so shamelessly about stuff like that_."

A smirked pressed at his lips, "I'm a guy."

"_Because that's the answer to everything, Chad,_" she answered, with an amused roll of the eye.

"Of course, it is," he said, pretending to be slightly offended. "I am Chad Dylan Cooper, after all. Everything I say is the answer to everything."

Sonny only smiled in response, shutting her notebook as if to say she was done responding.

The grin on his face slowly disappeared, as he turned his head to frown. The sudden end to their playful conversation only reminded him of the times when she and him would banter back and forth harmlessly. By the end of those conversations, Sonny would usually laugh so loudly at the ridiculousness of their "arguments," they'd receive curious stares from up to five tables over.

Whatever happened in Wisconsin affected her...badly. Chad researched selective mutism and read that it would most likely be caused by some sort of trauma. But, "trauma" from what exactly? As much as he'd like to deny it, a little part of him resented Sonny for being so closed off. They used to be so communicative between each other, that it was almost unusual, or even unnatural, to not share what was bugging them.

When they were thirteen, Chad's family experienced severe problems. His parents constantly fought, and it got so bad one night, that he heard a slam of a door and then silence. He remembered rushing to his window in his room and saw the retreating figure of his father. And, that was the last time he saw him. He remembered being so upset for weeks, and it wasn't until two months after the he had finally told Sonny of his father leaving them. The brunette girl cried for him, and gave him a big hug and kiss on the cheek. And, for that, he was grateful.

He was grateful for having such an amazing, patient best friend who would wait that long to hear his story. But, two months and two years were two different concepts. He wasn't too sure he would have anymore patience left in him to last another month.


	4. Vier

_Author's Note: Sorry for this late update. School has been pretty hectic, and it's kind of difficult to even think of updating this story, now that I have to worry about doing well in my Honors Pre-Calc class, as well as my 3 AP classes. Updates will come slowly, but they will surely be coming. Period. I think there'd be about 12 chapters total in this story.__  
><em>

Disclaimer: Anything recognizable isn't mine.

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><p>Chapter Four.<p>

It was raining.

The drops on his windshield came fast, and disappeared with a flick of the wipers, then came back again. A cycle. It was all really depressing, really. He never really liked the rain. There was no explanation as to why. He just did.

Connie needed to work an early shift at the hospital, and specifically asked Chad to pick Sonny up from her weekly visits to her psychiatrist. He didn't quite understand how that worked, since you'd have to talk to be analyzed. Did Sonny have to write her responses out? He doubted it. It would take too much time.

He pulled into the parking lot, keeping his right foot firmly on the brake, lifting up the emergency brake, then moved the gear shift into P for park. His car jerked backwards, then stilled. Chad wondered if it would be a good idea to wait for Sonny in the car, or wait for her in the lobby. He finally decided, reaching out around him to grab the black umbrella behind his seat. His car gave a dull, consistant beep as the driver side door was held way open, stopping as soon as he shut the door behind him. Chad fingered his keys before feeling the familiar _lock_ button. The vehicle gave a small honk, lights flashing, before he heard the click of the lock.

It took a total of fourteen steps to get to the entrance of the clinic. The puddles splashed as each drop hit them, sending tiny droplets of water splashing onto his black Converse All-Stars sneakers. Chad entered the building, shaking his umbrella out behind him, and wiping his feet on the floor mat at the door. He glanced at the receptionist, a plump, middle-aged woman with an enormous red beehive was busy with paperwork. She typed furiously into the keyboard, her painted, acrylic nails tapping directly onto the plastic keys. He walked past her, taking a seat in the lobby.

"I'm sorry, dear, may I help you?"

The receptionist looked at the blond teen, with wide eyes and a small smile. He only shook his head.

"I'm just waiting for a friend."

And with that, he turned away from the woman and stared at his feet. Sonny Munroe had an hour-and-a-half session. Eighty minutes had passed, and only ten more were remaining until she was let out.

Therapy always seemed pointless to Chad Dylan Cooper. Not only would you have to express your feelings for ninety minutes a week, but you're also probed and analyzed. Mentally, of course. These psychiatrists slapped labels onto your mental being. Bipolar. Depressed. Manic. Schizophrenic. _Goddammit_, people are not fucking soup cans! Half the time, their conclusions were often incorrect. Therapists did not know _shit_.

What pissed him off the most about these "physicians" was the fact that they charged a whole lot of dough for one session. People often came in for multiple sessions—take Sonny, for example. She had been seeing this therapist for a year and a half, one day a week, for ninety minutes. His best friend had seen this damn doctor seventy-two times already. This meant, Connie Munroe was spending five thousand-seven hundred and sixty dollars on the moron.

The door creaked, revealing a teary-eyed brunette. The rims of her eyes were red, as well as her nose. It was obvious she had been crying. Her chocolate eyes glanced at him, before they fell to her feet as she shuffled awkwardly to where he stood. Her hands clutched at her sides, locking herself into a lone hug. Chad's mouth twitched down into a frown, as he saw how miserable his best friend was. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders, bringing them closer. He stroked her hair, and rubbed her back, doing whatever he could to comfort Sonny. He stepped away from the embrace, holding her at arms length.

"You ready to go home, Sonshine?" he asked, the frown still etched into his face.

She only nodded, letting go of one of her sides to push her hair out of her face. Chad lay his arm around her shoulders once more, leading them to his car.

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><p>The ride to the Munroe residence was silent, the sound of the pitter-pattering of the raindrops on the windshield being the only noise between them. Sonny didn't feel much like communicating. That hour-and-a-half session of basic Sign was exhausting. She only wanted to curl up into her bed, the covers wrapped around her whole body. Her heart, her body, and her mind ached. She was hopeless.<p>

She hadn't realized there was something wrong with Chad, until he pulled the car onto the side of the road. She slowly turned her gaze from the window to the blond boy to her left. His mouth was set into a grim line, and his eyebrows were scrunched up in thought. Sonny stared at him for a few minutes, no communication between them filling that time.

He opened the car door, getting out, and slamming it shut. He was confusing her. He was obviously feeling some sort of emotional turmoil, and yet she couldn't...wouldn't ask him. She followed suit, slamming the door behind her.

"I wish you'd just talk to me," he said suddenly, not looking at her, but at his feet. "Speak. Say anything at all. I can't stand the silence. I can't stand the fact that one terrible incident silenced you."

At those last words, he looked at her with such sadness, her heart wretched in her chest. It was painful. The brunette girl just shook her head, tears streaming down her face. She fiddled with the hem of her shirt, gasping as she sobbed.

"Do you know how it makes me feel that my best friend hasn't spoken a word for two years?" Chad asked, his eyes reflecting pain through the raindrops.

Her tears were almost invisible, the rain disguising them.

"I swear, Sonny. I'd do anything for you—just talk. The silence is killing me. Knowing that you've gone mute..." he said, at a loss of words. "I just want to hear your voice. It kills me to see you sad when you think no one is looking."

Her lips trembled, eyes flooding with more liquid emotion. Chad waited for her to respond. Do anything to let him know that she understood what he was feeling. Five minutes passed, and nothing. He sighed, before walking around the car to get into the driver's seat. She followed his movements, setting herself into the passenger seat, painful memories and thoughts swarming throughout her head.


	5. Fünf

_Author's Note: Hey, guys. I know it's been awhile, and I know you're all pretty pissed at me. But, I have some news for you. I have a life, and it's been getting pretty hectic-my AP US History teacher is demanding we read 30 pages of history everydayyyy... That's not fun. Also, I apologize for this late update. I know, it's been over a month, and I've been a terrible author. Hopefully, this makes up for the shitty days, excuse me, WEEKS, you spent without your dose of angst!Sonny and angst!Chad. _

_I should also note that...I wrote Chapter 6, instead of Chapter 5 a couple of weeks ago, so that is also a contribution to this late update. I lost my notebook, and forgot the order of the events. Have no fear, I got it right. I know exactly how I'm going to write this chapter. Be amazed. You should also take note that since I wrote Chapter 6, that update will come much faster! :D hurray!_

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><p><em>FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF! This is the third time I'm writing this! D;<em>

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><p>Disclaimer: Anything recognizable isn't mine.<p>

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><p>Chapter Five<p>

Her eyes were probing into the side of his face. He could see her from his peripherals, but refused to look at her. Chad knew this was cruel—she was emotionally vulnerable, for fuck's sake. He had an explanation for this, albeit not a very good one. He continued to look at the textbook in front of him, eyes speeding across the text, but not making sense of the words. A folded up piece of paper wedged its way between his desk and the back cover of his book. He ignored it. Just like how he ignored each persistent poke to his side.

"Is there a problem here, Ms. Munroe?"

The voice came loud throughout the quiet room, making everyone jump, but Chad did not dare look up from his page. He could sense her shaking her head violently from side to side. He was usually the one who spoke for her. Without him, she really was mute. There was silence after that, and he could tell their teacher was looking curiously at him. Why shouldn't he? There was obviously something wrong with him, if he wouldn't speak for his mute best friend.

Several minutes passed, and nothing. Chad continued to read his book.

_The mass of 1 mole (6.022 x 10^23 atoms) of aluminum is 26.98 g. The sample we are considering has a mass of 10.0 g. Since the mass is less than 26.98 g, this sample contains less than 1 mole of aluminum atoms. We can calculate the number of moles of aluminum atoms in 10.0 g as—_

A jab to his rib made him immediately look up. _Damn it_. He couldn't look up, and then look back to his book. He had no choice but to turn her way. And, he looked. Really looked. He could read the confusion and sorrow in her chocolate eyes, and it tugged at his heartstrings. Eyes so big and dark, he could see his stoic reflection in her irises. Chad looked away.

She sighed deeply next to him in defeat.

* * *

><p>His head hurt. It wasn't a headache; it was more like his pride and conscience were battling it out to the death, using a combination of lightsabers and axes to destroy one another. A mental dilemma. He was so stupid.<p>

If he were smart, then he wouldn't have bursted out at Sonny like that the day before. If he were smart, then he wouldn't be having this epic battle in his head. If he were smart, then he wouldn't have hurt Sonny in class. If he were smart, then he and Sonny would have been at their lunch table, enjoying each other's company. But he wasn't smart.

There he was, sitting out on the bleachers in the field…alone. All because he couldn't keep his mind from wandering. If she ever planned on telling him about what had gone on in Wisconsin, then he was pretty damn sure she was going to tell him. There was a slim chance he'd ever know about what had happened now. He screwed it up. He _fucking_ pressured her into talk to him, right when she was emotionally vulnerable from her session with her psychiatrist. The only way he would gain her friendship back was to apologize and admit that he was in the wrong. But, he couldn't. He was so ashamed of himself. He let her down. Chad wanted, no _needed_, to do something to make Sonny understand that he was just being a stupid guy. His shame was clouding his mind, morphing itself to his pride, so that they were one. Shameful pride or prideful shame? Whichever it was, it was hurting Sonny.

"Hey, Cooper."

But, just the thought of her sobbing in her bedroom made him want to pull his hair out. She depended on him. She needed him. He was her only friend—her best friend. And, she lost that, all because of the fact that he was a moronic idiot. He was at fault here, and now his beloved Sonny was suffering.

"Cooper!"

He was so absorbed in his depressing thoughts; he hadn't realized someone was calling him. He looked up, startled. A fashionable blond female dressed in pink stood a few feet away from him. An overweight Caucasian wearing plaid and a stylish, gangly African-American stood behind her.

He only gave them a confused stare. He hadn't talked to these three in years. It was strange to be so close to the trio.

"What's the deal with Sonny?"

Chad furrowed his eyebrows, reminding him of his previous thoughts. "I really don't know."

The white male stepped forward, mouth agape, "She hasn't told you after all these years?"

"No, Grady," he snapped, frustrated, "she hasn't."

"But, I would've thought that she would've told you by now," the other male said, confused.

They all looked sadly at him as he shook his head, their looks only expressing their pity.

"Yes, I know. She hasn't told me. And, I was beginning to think that she would never tell me," he said, leaning forward and running a hand through his hair. "But, now I'm pretty sure I will never get to know. I fucking screwed everything up yesterday."

He looked away from them, eyes downcast onto the empty space next to him. The blond female's heels clicked on the metal of the bleachers, as she came closer to sitting down on the seat in front of him. The echo of sneakers followed soon after, each boy taking a seat next to the girl.

"What'd you do, Chad?" she asked her voice soft from pity.

"I…" he hesitated to voice his shame out loud. "Tawni, I pressured her."

A gasp came from the African-American male. "What do you mean, you _pressured_ her? Everybody knows yo' in love with her, but you don't needa freakin' _pressure_ her! You can't make a lady do what a lady don't want to do, Coop!"

Chad snapped his head towards him. "You think I fucking put the moves on her, Nico? Fuck no! I'm not a fucking domestic-violent-rapist! I meant that I fucking pressured her into fucking talking to me!"

Tawni and Nico quietly whispered, "Oh…"

"That's a lot of 'fucks,'" Grady muttered under his breath.

"Wait, so what exactly happened yesterday?" Tawni asked, looking him squarely in the face.

He had no idea why he was opening up to these people. These were the same people who abandoned Sonny in the beginning. She needed them for emotional support, and they just upped and went. But, he supposes that he should be thanking them. After all, without them leaving, he wouldn't have spent those two glorious years alone with her.

"Connie asked me to pick her up from therapy," Chad began. "I went, waited, and she came out teary-eyed. I asked if she wanted to go home, she nodded. We got in the car. In the middle of the ride to her house, I began thinking—actually, I've been thinking about this for several days already—about how she wouldn't tell me about what had gone down in Wisconsin. I pulled over, got out of the car; she followed, and then I began to guilt-trip and pressure her into talking to me. She began crying and wouldn't say anything—like I expected, because how could you when you best friend freaking blew up at you—so, I got back into the car. She followed. I drove her home."

It was silent for a few moments, before Tawni spoke.

"Well, that was dumb of you."

He sighed, dropping his face into his hands, "Don't I know it. I've been beating myself up about it since the moment I sped away when she shut the car door."

"Look, man," Grady pitched in, "Just apologize to her—"

"On yo' knees, too. Get down on yo' knees. Beg fo' her forgiveness…but, don't do it in public, man."

Tawni shot a look at Nico, that obviously said, "Calm down."

"For once, I'm going to agree with these morons. Drive over to her house, when you know when she's home alone—because we all know it'd be weird if you did something drastic in front of her mom," the chic blond advised. "Apologize to her. And, while you're at it, profess your love to her, yes?"

Chad rolled his eyes at the last part.

"I'll profess my love when I'm ready. I'll apologize as soon as I stop being a freaking coward."


	6. Sechs

_Author's Note: Oh, no. I just thought up of a new SWAC story... That's not good, because then it's going to distract me from writing this one. But, I think I can hold off from writing it, as soon as I'm done with writing this one. If anyone wants to hear my idea, message me!_

_Also, I'm not very sure if this chapter correlates to the previous chapter, because, like I said in my last author's note, I wrote this one instead of chapter five-also, because I completely forgot about my outline, so it skipped a bunch of stuff. So, I changed a few words around so that it would stick to my original plan. Tell your thoughts, please. :)_

Disclaimer: Anything recognizable isn't mine.

* * *

><p>Chapter Six.<p>

A sharp pain came and went at the back of her head, right where it met her neck. A migraine. Her eyes ached from the never ending falling tears. She was a mess. A terrible, hideous mess. It had been a week since that dreadful, rainy afternoon in Chad's car, and he hadn't spoken to her since then.

She would look at him during class, and he'd turn away from her gaze. He had done it enough times to convince Sonny that he was no longer concerned about her well-being. She was sure he didn't care anymore. Why would he? Why did she think he would stick around for her? She was surprised he had tolerated her for more than two years, and was even more surprised as to why he had decided to come to his senses after all this time.

Her bedroom was too quiet.

Who was she kidding? She knew he genuinely cared for her. _Cared_. Past-tense. A familiar, painful feeling came to her heart. It felt as if it was slowly splitting in two, and no one was there to help her patch it up. Chad was always there to make her forget, and help her feel better. She should have told him from the beginning. Even if it meant that he knew she was no longer innocent. She had purposely not told him, in fear of being rejected and ignored.

One week since Chad Dylan Cooper had acknowledged her, and since then her insecurities had ran up and slapped her in the face. Rejected and ignored. But for a different reason.

And, the feelings she tried so hard to smother many years ago resurfaced. She liked her best friend. This was more than just the mourning of a friend…this was heartbreak. His cold attitude toward her felt like a slap in the face. A taunting reminder that hissed in her ear about how he would never like her back. Why would he? She was the broken doll no one wanted to play with.

For once in her life, she had never hated herself so much as she did at that moment. She wanted to scream for the first time since she last spoke, and yet the sound would not come from her vocal chords. Only a small breath escaped her; a sorry excuse for a whimper. Sonny laid on her bed, her hope for a second chance with her best friend quickly fading away. It was useless to hope and wish.

* * *

><p>He was sorry. He wanted to rewind one week back and prevent himself from bursting at her. He shouldn't have thrown his frustration in her face, and expect her to just talk. He shouldn't have ignored her helpless, lonely, pleading stares during school. He shouldn't have ignored her text messages. But, what was done was done. He screwed up.<p>

He pushed her away in her time of need, and now he felt ashamed of himself. Maybe even disgusted. Who was he to break her heart and crush her soul? What kind of heartless bastard would do that to the love of his life?

He regretted guilt-tripping her and practically forcing her to speak to him. He regretted looking into her sorrowful, brown eyes and turning the other cheek. He regretted deleting every message she sent. He regretted everything. He wanted to apologize. He wanted to beg for her forgiveness, even if he didn't deserve it. He just wanted, no _needed_, her to accept his apology. He was a total jerk, and he would understand if she didn't forgive him. Who would even consider forgiving an asshole like him?

He was scum, and wanted to take back everything he ever did to hurt her. Watching her sob in front of him because of something he said killed him. One half of his mind told him to shut the hell up, hug and apologize to her, while the other half demanded he stay put and continue to make her feel guilty. He was torn, and yet listened to his demanding side. Completely blinded from frustration, he ignored her sniffles as he drove her home, and drove as fast as he could away from her as soon as she shut the door.

Chad could not believe it himself.

It was too late to beg for her forgiveness. He realized it now. He should have followed Tawni's advice sooner, but he had been too much of a coward. She must have hated him. Why wouldn't she? He abandoned and ignored her. He wanted to just hit himself for being so stupid. He lost the one person, other than his family, who cared about him and vice versa, because his bitter emotions took control of his mind and shoved her away. It was too late. One week, too late.

And yet, he found himself reaching for his car keys.

* * *

><p>The only sounds in her room were her sniffles. Her feelings were so strong, they were painful. It was like she couldn't breathe. Her sobs wracked her body, and she was soon gasping for air. She needed to stop the tears, but they came down like a waterfall. Sonny squeezed her eyes together as hard as she could, willing for her grief to disappear and never return.<p>

She couldn't cease the ongoing set of tears. She hated crying. She felt as if she were a stereotypical teenage girl who had just gotten her heart broken. But, it was true, wasn't it? Her heart was broken, and it seemed like it would never heal. It was sucked dry of life.

Her hands wiped furiously at her eyes, demanding the liquid angst to cease. Sonny had temporarily stopped them from continuing for a good twenty minutes. She had decided that she was through with crying. It would help her accomplish nothing. It wouldn't help her bring her best friend back, and it wouldn't help her fix her problems. Sure, her period of sadness had given her a lot more time to think, but that was all. Thoughts. Not actions. She couldn't act on her thoughts without him ignoring her. The only way she would get him to listen, was to speak.

_Ding dong._


	7. Sieben

_Author's Note: Sorry the delay, ladies (or maybe gentlemen. I don't know who's reading this). I had writer's block, and had no idea how to write this. I still don't, since I haven't even started yet, but that's okay because I can just wing it, y'know? If it's good, it's good. If it's terrible, leave it be. I need to satisfy you guys somehow, right? Anyway, happy holidays everybody! Merry (late) Christmas, Happy (late) Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, whatever you celebrate. It's the holidays, and enjoy it while it lasts. :)_

_And, I realized my chapters are waaaaaaay short, so I've decided to make them a little longer...which means that there'll be less chapters, because I planned this all out. Sorry. :/_

Disclaimer: Anything recognizable isn't mine.

* * *

><p>Chapter Seven.<p>

Why was he here? He shouldn't have come. It was such a rash decision; he hadn't even taken the time to think it over in his head. And, he rang the doorbell? What was he thinking? He hadn't even planned his grand apology, and couldn't half-ass this. What would he say, now that he was here? "Oh, hey Sonny. I'm sorry for being such a tool of a best friend?" No, unacceptable. Sonny deserved better than that. She deserved a billboard that expressed his regret and apologies at the same time. The lock on the front door clicked.

_Oh no._

The door creaked open slightly, the face of an exhausted, devastated girl poking out. It broke his heart to see her like this. She was in a state that he'd never witnessed before, and was horrified. He was positive it was all because of him. He was to blame for her state of distress. Sonny was emotionally in shambles. Her usually perfect, shiny hair was dull and flat. Her porcelain skin was pasty, making the dark circles under her eyes darker and the redness on the rims of her eyes stand out. Her bottom lip was cracked and bleeding, probably due to her excessive chewing on it. As soon as she saw him, her face crumpled up in such grief. She was ready to slam the door in his face, before he blocked it with his foot.

"C-C..." he hesitated to ask his question. "C-C-Can I talk to you for a moment?"

Her bottom lip quivered, as she shook her head. She applied more pressure on the door, trying even harder to push him out.

"Please, Sonny," he pleaded, "hear me out."

She was conflicted. He genuinely looked sincere, but she didn't want to be fed lies if he was lying. Why would he want to apologize to her? It was all her fault, in the first place. If she had told him in the beginning, they wouldn't have ever had to experience such an awful experience like this. Maybe if she had told him, the trauma she had felt would have been behind her now with the therapy. And, wasn't one of life's best medicines communication? But, she couldn't help but think of his reaction. He would most likely be disturbed, and wouldn't want to associate himself with such filth. Sonny was so torn between letting him in or not. He continued to stare at her with those sapphire puppy-dog eyes, and there was never a time in her life when she felt such a need to forgive him right at that moment without an explanation.

But she deserved one, didn't she? She deserved to know what was on his mind, and why he decided to keep it bottled up like that. She deserved to know why he blew up at her, and then refused to make contact with her for a week.

Sonny bit her lip and nodded hesitantly. He looked so relieved, and thanked her profusely. She only stepped aside to let him in and walked upstairs to her bedroom. Chad could only frown, closing the front door behind him. He followed soon after.

* * *

><p>He shut her bedroom door close and turned to find her wrapped up in a thick, fleece blanket. This was what she was reduced to, he thought. A broken girl who found comfort in her crimson red bed covering. He took a seat on her revolving chair, and made himself comfortable.<p>

"So, I guess I should start explaining myself right about now…"

She didn't show any inclination of a disagreement, so he continued.

"Sonny, the reason…" he trailed off. This was harder than he thought. "Th-The reason as to why I've been such a horrible best friend this past week, is because I-I've been having some…thoughts."

He looked up to see any emotional response. None.

"I've just been really paranoid lately. My mind has been on edge, and I can't help but think that maybe you don't really like me. I mean, I've practically convinced myself that the reason why you hadn't told me about your situation back home was because you didn't trust me. I may not be the best person in the world, hell, I _know_ I'm not the best person, because what kind of human being would put so much guilt onto their emotionally-distressed best friend and then ignore them for a week? I don't even feel like I deserve the title of being your best friend, because I haven't been too great at it. And, now I see that you're a mess, all because of me. Sonny, I am so sorry for being such a douche. I knew I should have driven back the moment I sped away and apologized to you, because then you wouldn't have to feel like you have been feeling that whole past week. It's my fault for ever taking my frustration out on you, and I really need your forgiveness.

"I don't expect a restoration of our friendship, although I know it'd be nice, but I would like to at least know that you're not upset at me. Seeing your tears, and know that I caused them, made me feel like the worst person in the world. You are my Sonshine, my only Sonshine. You make me happy when skies are gray…please don't take my Sonshine away."

Chad looked up from his intense staring contest with his shoe, to find her weeping silently. Tears streamed down her face, as she chewed her bottom lip furiously. He moved quickly to her side on her bed, and wrapped her in a hug. Guilt was eating away at him once more, but even stronger this time. He had caused her to cry again, and to tell you the truth, this feeling was just terrible.

"Shh," he shushed her, rubbing her arm up and down. He began to rock her back and forth a little to calm her down. "Son-Son-Sonny, please stop crying. I am so sorry; I didn't mean to make you cry. Sonshine, please. Seeing you crying like this is breaking my heart! This is entirely my fault, and I am so sorry."

"N-N-No, Chad. _My fault._"

He stopped rocking. In fact, he stopped all movement. He pulled away slightly, in complete shock. Did she…?

"_Did you just say something?_" he asked incredulously. Chad wasn't sure if his ears were working right, or not. They must be playing a trick on him or something, because Sonny Munroe wouldn't speak after all these years. He must've been imagining things. That's it. He imagined her voice in his head. Just like in his fantasies…except, in his fantasies, Sonny sounded exactly like she did when he last spoke to her and she was cheerful. This Sonny-voice was tired, and sounded as if it was on the verge of becoming lost. This Sonny-voice sounded like she was crying just moments ago.

She wiped her eyes, and cleared her throat.

_Oh shit._ She really did just talk.

"S-Sonny, you just talked?"

He looked at her with wide, hopeful eyes. For two years, he had longed to hear her speak and now, after he was apologizing to her, she decided to talk. He felt as if one of his birthday wishes had come true just then. She only nodded; eyes still red from her breakdown. "Yeah, I d-did. I-I-I've been thinking about it for aw-while, and I f-f-f-f-feel that if I s-s-spoke to you—"

He placed a finger over her lips. As much as he loved hearing her voice adjusting itself for frequent use now, he needed to make sure she didn't hurt herself. "Sonny, don't stress out your vocal cords, hon'. Don't get me wrong, I can't be even more ecstatic now that you're finally talking, but your cords aren't used to being used so much. You probably shouldn't overstress them. A little at a time, Sonshine. A little at a time."

She nodded, agreeing with his logic. She zipped her mouth shut, and tossed the key over her shoulder. Sonny mimicked a notepad and pen, which she hoped he would understand her decision to continue writing down her responses.


	8. Acht

_Author's Note: I am so sorry. Time got away from me, and before I knew it 9 months had already passed. It wasn't like I wasn't working on it. I had about 770 words written before I decided to take a break (which lasted longer than I expected). So, to make up for that, I'll be writing chapter nine as soon as I finish this one._

Disclaimer: Anything you recognize isn't mine.

Chapter Eight

She was doing better. She realized that vocal communication was helping her a lot, and tried to speak as much as she could around Chad, despite the fact that he had told her many times not to stress out her voice. Her mother was thrilled that her only daughter was finally using her voice again after not speaking for more than two years, but still advised her to regularly attend her therapeutic sessions as normal. Teachers and students were shocked speechless when they first heard her answer a question with her own voice.

"So, I will be reading Robert Frost's 'Nothing Gold Can Stay' to you. Listen closely, and I will ask one of you to analyze it," Joy Bitterman, the Advanced Placement English Literature teacher, announced.

"_Nature's first green is gold  
>Her hardest hue to hold.<br>Her early leaf's a flower;  
>But only so an hour.<br>Then leaf subsides to leaf.  
>So Eden sank to grief,<br>So dawn goes down to day.  
>Nothing gold can stay."<em>

The classroom remained silent after the reading, not a breath could be heard. Her steely, blue eyes scanned the room for an unsuspecting victim. They met the head of a brunette who had been writing furiously in a notebook.

"Sonny Munroe, would you do the honors of telling us of what Frost meant in this particular piece?" Expecting the girl to hand her notebook over to the blond boy next to her, Joy watched as the girl had snapped her head up from her sheet of paper.

"Oh, yes, of course."

…was she hearing correctly, or did the mute just talk?

"Well, Frost was describing the different stages of life, relating the cycle of nature to the cycle of human life. 'Nature's first green is gold,' simply means that humans start off as young and fresh and innocent, but when that 'hour' passes, 'leaf subsides to leaf' and 'Eden [sinks] to grief,' which relates to how when we grow older, we're exposed to such harsh conditions and situations that harden our personas and change us. We are no longer young and innocent, but we are wiser. 'Nothing gold can stay.'"

Sonny looked around as soon as she finished her analyzation, and was met with the gaping jaws of almost every person, except one, in the classroom alone.

"_You can talk?_" someone in the room asked rudely, the voice sounding much incredulous.

Chad stood up angrily, his eyebrows knitting up together. "Of course she can talk! It's not as if someone cut out her tongue! It's called selective mutism, jackass."

To their extreme fortune, the end-of-day bell rang and alerted the entire campus to go home. As soon as Sonny had gathered her belongings, he grabbed her hand and pulled her out of the classroom to the parking lot. He dodged his way through the hallway, sidestepping around couples locked in passionate embraces and bullied underclassman. He could feel the occasional tug of her hand, but didn't let go. No, _wouldn't_ let go. Chad didn't want to lose her in the throng of hormonal teenagers, and continued to pull her along.

"Ch-Chad!" she panted from behind him. "Slow the hell down!"

He realized then that he had much longer legs than she did, and felt a little guilty about having to make her jog through the crowds. Chad cut his stride length in half, already allowing Ms. Glowing-Ball-of-Sunshine to catch up with him.

"Hey, hey, hey," Sonny said, after a moment to catch her breath, "What's up? What was that? Back in class?"

He rolled his eyes before replying, "Fucking Ed Waltman's a douche. He had no right to be so rude. Yeah, you can talk. That's awesome, it's great, it's fan-_fucking_-tastic! He still did not need to sound so condescending and obnoxious. It just makes me so an—"

"Chad, please," she interrupted and placed a hand on his chest to grab ahold of his attention, "Yes, I get it. Ed's choice of words was unreasonable, but I really think you should calm down before you get an aneurysm."

She was seriously worried that he would hurt himself. His face began to turn pink from anger, and it was scaring her. She had only seen that look on his face twice: the first time being when she got pushed into that mud puddle in the fifth grade and the second time being when their old friends abandoned them.

He nodded, closing his eyes to calm himself down and took a few deep breaths to stop the blood from rushing to his face.

"Can we," he started, his breathing still erratic, "C-Can we go somewhere, please? I really need to calm myself down right now, and I don't think going home is going to help at all."

Sonny only nodded in understanding, a worried frown etched upon her porcelain face. She wrapped an arm around his waist, leading him outside of the school building. They walked through the front lawn, the grass damp from the sprinklers. Her sandaled feet were getting wet, but she didn't mind. She was truly worried for her best friend, and needed to lead him away from the overbearing school walls.

He was experiencing severe inner turmoil. That poem hit a little too close to home, regarding the situation with Sonny. Don't get him wrong. He couldn't be any happier that she was seemed fine, but she was still the same Sonny who would shut down at unexpected times. She was still the same Sonny who was afraid to show any sort of strong emotion around him for over two years. She was still the same Sonny who needed psychiatric help. She was still the same Sonny who refused to talk to anyone since January of two years ago

He wanted, no _needed_ to heal her and he couldn't do that if she continued to pretend that nothing was wrong just because she was talking. He needed to make her see that she didn't need to feel like she should hide herself from him. They were best friends through thick and thin, no matter what happened. She's seen him at his worse, and he believed it was about time he's seen her at hers.

Chad just hoped for the best for Sonny, and he would do anything to make it possible.


	9. Neun

_Author's Note:_ _Sorry for promising to post it at the end of February and not following through. Life just got in the way _again_. Besides, I just had my birthday weekend and I was busy doing stuff for me with friends and family. I'm 18, guys! I'm so old. Anyway, here it is. I would've written more, but I didn't want you guys to wait any more than you have been doing._

_Also, as you may have noticed, I raised the rating up to an M solely because of this chapter. Sorry to burst your bubble, but it's not because something happens between Chad and Sonny. I'm sorry for both not being able to handle writing smut and also for… well, this chapter. You'll find out soon enough._

Disclaimer: Anything you recognize isn't mine.

Chapter Nine

They ended up at one of the many condos that his family owned, right in the heart of Beverly Hills. The place was quite spacious, modern décor from the floor to the ceiling. Sonny honestly felt a bit out of place in her attire. She felt like she needed to be dressed to the nines when entering any place his family possessed.

The two of them sat themselves down on the large, chocolate leather sofa in the living room. Chad sat several inches away from her, leaning forward to place his head in his hands. He rubbed his temples, wishing the ache would just disappear. He was still a little irritated at Waltman's inconsiderate, blunt phrase. Who wouldn't be?

She didn't know what to do. He was obviously still ticked about what happened back at school, but she wasn't quite sure how deep his frustration ran.

"Do you mind telling me what's wrong?" she asked, biting her lip in anticipation.

Chad sat up, shaking his head. His eyes were downcast and his mouth was shut. His lips began to open and close several times, but he finally decided to keep it shut in a grim line. He couldn't. He'd explode again, and he didn't want to be the reason why she would cry once more. He vowed to himself that she would shed no more tears of sorrow, and he would make sure of that.

"It's just…" Oh no. He said something and can't take it back now. "Don't you trust me?"

"Of course I do. With all my heart."

"Then why is it I still don't know what forced you to stay silent for over two years?"

It was Sonny's turn to shut up.

"I'm your best friend, right? We're supposed to tell each other everything. We've been friends for a long time, but I feel like I don't know who you are sometimes. There's this large chunk in your life that I don't know about. You came back from Wisconsin as a changed person. You weren't smiling, you weren't cracking jokes, and most importantly of all, you weren't talking…to anyone. I just don't understand why you're keeping it from me."

Her eyes began to sting as his words forced her to think of her past. _But he was right._

"It's not that I don't trust you enough to not tell you. I just…" She bit her lip, a tear falling from her right eye. She wiped it away with a single swipe, then sniffled. "I just don't want to alter your image of me. I feel like…if I tell you, I feel like you won't like me anymore. I feel like you'll shun me and walk away like everyone else. I know it's stupid – I've told myself that many times, but… that's why I've been putting it off as long as I could."

He stayed silent, not knowing what to say. He never really understood the severity of the situation. I mean, sure he knew that what happened was terrible enough to mute her, but knowing now that she feared his reaction to the story… That brings a whole different perspective into view. What happened damaged her, making her forget that he would—could never bring himself to judge her.

She took his silence negatively. She spoke fast, thinking that if she told him he'd be forgiving of why she decided to keep it from him. "It's not a very exciting story," she tried to explain. "It's actually very… depressing. Despite my intentions of forgetting it, it always comes up to the forefront of my mind almost every day. I get these horrible flashbacks that…"

She licked her lips her sighed in shame, "…that make me want to k-k-kill myself."

Sonny was having trouble admitting the truth. She felt incredibly raw and exposed. Chad was seeing an even terrifying part of her – one much more terrible than her past two years of complete quiet. And yet, she continued.

_Sonny POV_

Mom let me head back home for winter vacation alone, and let me tell you… Things changed. The farm back home was nothing like I remembered. I mean, it was snowing and the white powder covered almost everything to the fields to the barn, but something was different. Ol' Betsy the family cow was nowhere to be seen. Hank, Trevor, and Marigold the landrace pigs were gone too. Our chickens Henrietta and Susan? Same.

Our animals were gone. The barn was a mess; the red pain was faded and chipped, the doors hanging by a single hinge. Old hat littered the stalls and rat droppings were scattered. It was like the farm animals every existed, but they did. I swear they did.

I felt myself begin to feel uneasy. What happened? Mom and I have just visited, maybe two-three years ago, and everything was going well then. I was confused as to where our precious animals went. I grabbed my luggage and walked to the house. My boots failed to protect my shins, the ice soaked into my jeans and my legs began to go numb from the cold. Knocking on the door of our front porch, I was expecting to see Nana greet me with a warm hug. Instead, I was face to face with my father.

I hadn't seen him since I was maybe six years old, but I could recognize that face anywhere. He and mom weren't together long enough to get married. The single time I asked her why it was they split, she pressed her mouth into a firm line and stared at me with an emotion I couldn't identify. She then told me, "I'll tell you when you're older." I was twelve then.

"Allison!" Dad greeted with an overly large smile on his face. "What a great surprise!"

He pulled me into a hug and I was hit with an overwhelming strong odor. I knew immediately that the stench was hard liquor. He'd been drinking only minutes before he came to answer the door.

"Dad…" I honestly did not know what to say to him. I hadn't had a real conversation with him ever in my life. "Where's Nana?"

I pulled away, my nose wrinkling slightly in disgust.

He laughed, flashing his slightly yellowed smile at me. We had the same shaped teeth. "Oh, don't worry about her. I sent her and your grandfather on a three-month cruise from Northern Europe to the western Mediterranean about a month ago. They should be heading towards Stockholm right now."

"Oh." I didn't understand why he'd do that without informing mom and me, but I ignored the action. "Okay, well, I'll be home for a week. Can I stay here?"

"Sure you can, Allison. There's already a room ready for you."

He led me inside the house, taking me upstairs. The floorboards creaked as we walked on them, and I noticed that there were about twelve empty, glass liquor bottles littering the hallways, pushed up against the walls. We came to a stop in front of my old bedroom door. Old butterfly stickers were pasted below the doorknob from when I placed them as a little girl. They were cracked and faded.

He opened the door, exposing my childhood bedroom.

"Well, it's around seven now. Have you had any dinner? Are you hungry?"

I shook my head to both questions.

"Leave your stuff here and come downstairs." Then he turned his back and walked away, whistling a familiar tune. I'm sure it was "Good Girls Don't" by the Knacks.

I did as I was told and followed him into the kitchen. He pulled two beers from the fridge, popping the cap off one of them and handing it to me.

I shook my head vigorously, "Dad, I can't. I'm only fourteen."

He shrugged, "So? A lot of kids these days, who by the way are a lot younger, are doing worse. Just try it."

I hesitantly took it, looking around to see if this was some sort of cruel trick or if he was testing my morals. I took a sip, the bitter taste burning my tongue. I coughed as it went down and he laughed, pounding his hand across my back. Popping the bottle cap off his, he took a swig, effectively draining a third of the bottle.

"Atta girl," he said, walking away into the living room. A moment later, I heard the television set go on, blaring the cheers from fans and the announcer of a football game.

I shuffled into the room to join him, bottle pressed stiffly against my leg. Taking a seat on the couch, I stared mindlessly at the screen. I gripped the cold glass in my hands, not quite sure what to do with myself. Was he expecting me to finish it? I took a bigger drink, the bitter liquid filling every nook and cranny in my mouth. It hurt to go down, but at least a quarter of it was gone. Wanting it to disappear faster, I brought the bottle back to my lips and chugged it down. I felt a brain freeze come along, so I put the bottle down next to my foot and grasped my head in my hands.

I was already starting to feel funny, and I wasn't sure if that was normal to feel it so quickly. It was an odd sensation and I wasn't sure if I liked it.

"I think I'm going to turn in early," I said. I wanted to sleep this feeling off. My forehead began to sweat and my head began to ache. I really shouldn't have drunk any of it, and I definitely wished I had not given into the pressure of being polite when something like that was offered to me. I noisily clambered my way up the stairs and made myself up to my room. I collapsed into a tired heap on the mattress, the old springs bouncing and squealing from my weight. I was out in seconds.

I began to stir when I felt myself being moved. I lazily opened my eyes to see a large shadow hovering over me. Goosebumps rose on my upper thighs near my pelvic area, and travelled downwards as my jeans were slowly being pulled off. This wasn't right. I jolted awake as I realized this and gave a startled yelp. A large, calloused hand smacked itself over my mouth, preventing me from making another clear sound. I tried to wriggle myself out of his hold, but he was too heavy for me.

"Shh, Allison, it's alright," Dad whispered, slipping the denim off my legs. "I won't hurt you, so you'll be fine."


End file.
